Noah’s Ark
I think most people would be shocked if they only knew what animals were flying with them or occupied their space last. They might even be more shocked if they knew what they had left behind.
One of the biggest problems caused by animals on planes is corrosion. For example I remember British Caledonian used to very often fly planes with passengers in one direction and then use the same plane to ferry race horses and even elephants the other way. In itself, not a problem as long as the interior was put right before and after but there became one issue that never seemed to disappear completely, and that was poo and primarily pee.
Sometimes these animals used to pee so much that when the aircraft tilted upwards a veritable tidal wave of faeces ridden pee rushed to the rear of the aircraft engulfing the ankles of any unwary staff that had their seats there. I know as I have a ruined pair of trainers to prove it! It used to then get crazier if the passengers were elephants as they, like us, get bored, but when they do their heads sway from side to side. You get more than one doing this in sequence and it causes chaos with the autopilot.
Anyway, back to the pee. This pee has to go somewhere and, unless the cabin is sealed like a Tupperware box that somewhere ends up being under the floor and amongst the aircraft structure itself. This stuff is full of ammonia and, when sloshing around on sheets of alloy, nuts, bolts and wires nature starts to follow its course resulting in various levels of corrosive threat to the aircraft infrastructure. These problems were always found during the major maintenance ‘D’ check which such planes went through but who would have thought that a Jumbo could have done so much damage to….well a Jumbo!
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
Saturday, 3 April 2010
Travel and the Environment
We have seen reports on environmental issues as they relate to travel. We have heard rhetoric, statements of intent, proud boasts, thinly veiled self promotion statements and promises of a ‘greener’ future. There have been board level corporate policies, conferences, business ventures linked to sustainability and a large number of ‘holier than thou’ declarations between competing companies. Strange how many of the leading standard bearers might be viewed as causing the problem like the fuel and energy giants But what has really happened?
I do not think much has happened at all and I am not entirely sure it matters that much if the experts are to be believed. By this I mean that if air travel only represents less than 3% of global emission does reducing this small fraction by an even smaller fraction make the slightest difference in the whole sphere of things? Would a large company not contribute more if they turned their lights and computers off at night? After all if you fly over any city at night the place is ablaze with lights.
I suspect environmental issues are going to become just a matter of travel hype like the exaggerated effect of direct sell, technology and vapour-ware were in the recent past. Perhaps more wistful thinking than worthwhile delivery.
My perception of the apparent state of affairs has been colloured by the way sustainability has been slipped onto the back burner while the global recession has been going on. Regardless of what others may say I believe being ‘sustainable’ costs money as you have to invest in it. You also cannot sell if you ground your salesmen.
The only exception to this is companies that need to reduce their travel budget for financial reasons and use environmental issues as a vehicle to do it.
All this may sound cynical from me and maybe it is. I actually believe passionately that we need to do something about the environment but I feel a bit sour when seeing all the hot air being spouted around over travel when the bigger and more significant winning may possibly be neglected. I also object to this issue being used for point scoring and the creation of another large consultancy sales opportunity.
This world has two global threats which are the economy and the environment. I would rather we did not damage the former in order to make an insignificant contribution to the latter when there are so many better ways to do more good. Besides I would be more convinced of commitment if people turned their TVs off standby at night like I do!
I do not think much has happened at all and I am not entirely sure it matters that much if the experts are to be believed. By this I mean that if air travel only represents less than 3% of global emission does reducing this small fraction by an even smaller fraction make the slightest difference in the whole sphere of things? Would a large company not contribute more if they turned their lights and computers off at night? After all if you fly over any city at night the place is ablaze with lights.
I suspect environmental issues are going to become just a matter of travel hype like the exaggerated effect of direct sell, technology and vapour-ware were in the recent past. Perhaps more wistful thinking than worthwhile delivery.
My perception of the apparent state of affairs has been colloured by the way sustainability has been slipped onto the back burner while the global recession has been going on. Regardless of what others may say I believe being ‘sustainable’ costs money as you have to invest in it. You also cannot sell if you ground your salesmen.
The only exception to this is companies that need to reduce their travel budget for financial reasons and use environmental issues as a vehicle to do it.
All this may sound cynical from me and maybe it is. I actually believe passionately that we need to do something about the environment but I feel a bit sour when seeing all the hot air being spouted around over travel when the bigger and more significant winning may possibly be neglected. I also object to this issue being used for point scoring and the creation of another large consultancy sales opportunity.
This world has two global threats which are the economy and the environment. I would rather we did not damage the former in order to make an insignificant contribution to the latter when there are so many better ways to do more good. Besides I would be more convinced of commitment if people turned their TVs off standby at night like I do!
Welcome to Lagos
I noticed that there is a TV programme with the above title and that reminded me of a fine welcome I got in the murky past
Someone up there definitely did not like me. He probably sat in the heavens and decided “let us smote him around a bit and bring him down a peg or two”. After all he had been pretty good to me until that moment what with sending me around the world with a bevy of beauties and an expense account without the slightest payback of gratitude. “I know” he said, “why not give him a taste of life in Nigeria”
The first I knew about my impending comeuppance was when I was called into my then leader’s office and smugly informed that I was being transferred to the West Africa Routes office and my new job would involve lots of visits to Nigeria. To start with I would be escorting a group of UK dignitaries on an inaugural flight to it’s southern capital Lagos. My blood froze. Everyone I knew working in that area had either gone weird or eccentric or, in extreme cases, both. For example one chap started keeping chickens in the company house and insisted he was a reincarnation of Tolstoy.
I had passed through Nigeria on a number of occasions in the past and witnessed mundane day to day activities such as robbery, death, squalor and loss of essential services like water, sanitation and all types of power The thought of taking a bunch of top corporate executives on a luxurious fact finding visit to such a place was truly chilling. I think my worst fears were justified.
The first task was to select and invite guests and it was my job to organise liaison and correspondence as well as to finalise their itinerary with our office in Lagos. I was helped in this task by a young lady called Sandra, a beautiful girl that the male population of the office unanimously agreed was ‘sex on legs’ and very reminiscent of Loraine Chase in those old Campari TV advertisements. Unfortunately what she had in beauty was not matched by any ability to converse with industry leaders which is illustrated by when she told a company chairman that “Nah” I could not come to the phone as I had gone to the toilet. She did reassure him that I would not be long as I had not taken my newspaper with me “as per usual”.
Eventually it was all arranged. We had a seriously high profile guest list, most of whom seemed to appreciate talking to Sandra more than me. She even got past their protective P.As which I rarely managed One very well known chap even started sending her bouquets and propositions in the post. In the hearing of one of my colleagues she ultimately told this Chief Executive to “push off” or she would set her boyfriend on him. The big day came and off we went on a brand new DC10 aircraft heading south towards our destiny. The plane was so new that it was still being flown by the McDonnell Douglas delivery pilot who wandered out to see the guests, chewing gum and wearing a cowboy outfit including a Stetson which went down a bomb with our group of traditional British gentlemen.
We arrive and were engulfed by everything that Lagos Murtalla Mohammed had to offer. It was hot. It was humid. The air conditioning was not working and the express customs clearance that we had painstakingly bribed officials for never materialised. It took over 90 minutes to get our soggy guests out of that hell hole however, finally we decanted them all into a surprisingly ancient coach which "belonged to a brother" of our airport manager who was charging a fortune for it. In that part of the world the airport manager is the most powerful company man in the country as he controlled everything from upgrades to off-loading.
Our guests usually get whisked through VIP arrival centres and into limousines so they found the whole experience quite educational. At lest it stopped all the talking about profit margins and PE ratios and moved them on to wagering if the coach would hold out and what the ‘strange noise’ was coming from the back axle. I was more concerned about the recent hold ups on this road as there had been a spate of them recently where large planks full of nailed spikes were thrown in front of vehicles. Thankfully the Badagri Expressway allowed us to pass unhindered and the coach groaned into the EKO Hotel front entrance. It remained there for three days as it never started again.
Check-in was fine. We had been given rooms on the 17th floor which was their most recently decorated floor and all was well until we got to the lifts. They did not seem to be working and nobody knew when they would be fixed. I gestured to my motley sweaty group of dignitaries and we started the slow plod up the stairs. I felt like Hannibal leading his elephants across the Alps. On and on we staggered with people falling by the wayside as they stopped for breaks and I ended up like a shepherd dog with sheep coaxing and bullying them forward.
It took nearly half an hour to reach the 17th floor. It was an interesting human drama and a demonstrated of team spirit as they all joined together to help the stragglers make it at the same time. I felt quite proud and told them so however I was interrupted by the ‘ding’ of the lift bell as a porter emerged out of it with the last of our suitcases. I subsequently found out that it was the porters who had diverted the lifts so that they could transfer the bags up from the basement. It was not something I shared with my wheezing guests.
I barely closed my door before the phone started ringing. Apparently nobody had any running water. I started muttering to myself, a malaise that started then and continues to this day. A feeling of pure helplessness flooded over me and I rang the hotel General Manager for some word of explanation. "Welcome to Lagos" came the helpful reply. Welcome to a bunch of smelly, angry and very important customers I sneered back which at least resulted in a crate of Evian water being deposited outside each of our rooms.
The water debacle continued until early evening when miraculously it started running fitfully and brackish through our taps. I could hear the ironic cheers echoing down the 17th corridor as I settled myself down into the tepid brown puddle in my bath. No sooner had my bottom touched plastic when the phone rang. It was a call from the secretary of one of my group calling from London to advise me that Mr B could not turn his tap off. He had apparently rung her who rang me. I rang the hotel GM who rang maintenance who rang him back. He then rang me and I rang the secretary who rang Mr B to tell him that the taps operate in a different way to England. He was then able to stop the water so he rang her who rang me. I rang the hotel GM who rang maintenance to say the drama was over. I discovered later that Mr B had the room next to mine. Oh the joys of modern cutting-edge communication…and plumbing.
Somehow we all made it through the next three days. Fortunately most of the guests were blessed with a fine sense of humour and also spent most of their days visiting local offices thus passing responsibility onto their own folk. The end of the tour had come and all that remained was to run the gauntlet of the Badagri Expressway and head for dear old Blighty. I have to say I was already relaxing as what more could possibly go wrong once we reached the airport Such folly.
To be fair to the Nigerians they had a conscience about the way we were treated when we arrived so they decided to give us a special send off and boy did they achieve that. It turned out there was a special VIP lounge for royalty and heads of state and they invited us to use it while we waited to board. I wandered off to say thanks to our even richer airport manager and left them all with their glasses of champagne. On my return I was startled to see them all tucking in to some local nibbles and snacks provided by our hosts including some very dodgy looking prawns with a curry coating. One thing I have learned is never eat anything so risky and strange smelling before boarding a busy overnight flight.
It started about 3 a.m. London time somewhere over the Sahara when I was awoken by heated and desperate voices. I observed two of my charges having a pushing match alongside a toilet door and it was turning ugly. Then I saw other shapes in the gloom rising all round me and heading for the lavatories. Out of our dozen or so guests at least nine were suffering from acute food poisoning resulting in terrible stomach gripes and the need to go to the toilet instantly if not sooner. Nine people and two toilets? You can do the maths. It was mayhem. These were people in the public eye, household names and there they were literally fighting each other for the next free cubicle. Not nice and I decided to sink deeper in my seat and let them get on with it.
We arrived back at Gatwick in the early hours looking like a group of third world displaced refugees. Never again I thought. And then I remembered that this was the first of four such trips!
Someone up there definitely did not like me. He probably sat in the heavens and decided “let us smote him around a bit and bring him down a peg or two”. After all he had been pretty good to me until that moment what with sending me around the world with a bevy of beauties and an expense account without the slightest payback of gratitude. “I know” he said, “why not give him a taste of life in Nigeria”
The first I knew about my impending comeuppance was when I was called into my then leader’s office and smugly informed that I was being transferred to the West Africa Routes office and my new job would involve lots of visits to Nigeria. To start with I would be escorting a group of UK dignitaries on an inaugural flight to it’s southern capital Lagos. My blood froze. Everyone I knew working in that area had either gone weird or eccentric or, in extreme cases, both. For example one chap started keeping chickens in the company house and insisted he was a reincarnation of Tolstoy.
I had passed through Nigeria on a number of occasions in the past and witnessed mundane day to day activities such as robbery, death, squalor and loss of essential services like water, sanitation and all types of power The thought of taking a bunch of top corporate executives on a luxurious fact finding visit to such a place was truly chilling. I think my worst fears were justified.
The first task was to select and invite guests and it was my job to organise liaison and correspondence as well as to finalise their itinerary with our office in Lagos. I was helped in this task by a young lady called Sandra, a beautiful girl that the male population of the office unanimously agreed was ‘sex on legs’ and very reminiscent of Loraine Chase in those old Campari TV advertisements. Unfortunately what she had in beauty was not matched by any ability to converse with industry leaders which is illustrated by when she told a company chairman that “Nah” I could not come to the phone as I had gone to the toilet. She did reassure him that I would not be long as I had not taken my newspaper with me “as per usual”.
Eventually it was all arranged. We had a seriously high profile guest list, most of whom seemed to appreciate talking to Sandra more than me. She even got past their protective P.As which I rarely managed One very well known chap even started sending her bouquets and propositions in the post. In the hearing of one of my colleagues she ultimately told this Chief Executive to “push off” or she would set her boyfriend on him. The big day came and off we went on a brand new DC10 aircraft heading south towards our destiny. The plane was so new that it was still being flown by the McDonnell Douglas delivery pilot who wandered out to see the guests, chewing gum and wearing a cowboy outfit including a Stetson which went down a bomb with our group of traditional British gentlemen.
We arrive and were engulfed by everything that Lagos Murtalla Mohammed had to offer. It was hot. It was humid. The air conditioning was not working and the express customs clearance that we had painstakingly bribed officials for never materialised. It took over 90 minutes to get our soggy guests out of that hell hole however, finally we decanted them all into a surprisingly ancient coach which "belonged to a brother" of our airport manager who was charging a fortune for it. In that part of the world the airport manager is the most powerful company man in the country as he controlled everything from upgrades to off-loading.
Our guests usually get whisked through VIP arrival centres and into limousines so they found the whole experience quite educational. At lest it stopped all the talking about profit margins and PE ratios and moved them on to wagering if the coach would hold out and what the ‘strange noise’ was coming from the back axle. I was more concerned about the recent hold ups on this road as there had been a spate of them recently where large planks full of nailed spikes were thrown in front of vehicles. Thankfully the Badagri Expressway allowed us to pass unhindered and the coach groaned into the EKO Hotel front entrance. It remained there for three days as it never started again.
Check-in was fine. We had been given rooms on the 17th floor which was their most recently decorated floor and all was well until we got to the lifts. They did not seem to be working and nobody knew when they would be fixed. I gestured to my motley sweaty group of dignitaries and we started the slow plod up the stairs. I felt like Hannibal leading his elephants across the Alps. On and on we staggered with people falling by the wayside as they stopped for breaks and I ended up like a shepherd dog with sheep coaxing and bullying them forward.
It took nearly half an hour to reach the 17th floor. It was an interesting human drama and a demonstrated of team spirit as they all joined together to help the stragglers make it at the same time. I felt quite proud and told them so however I was interrupted by the ‘ding’ of the lift bell as a porter emerged out of it with the last of our suitcases. I subsequently found out that it was the porters who had diverted the lifts so that they could transfer the bags up from the basement. It was not something I shared with my wheezing guests.
I barely closed my door before the phone started ringing. Apparently nobody had any running water. I started muttering to myself, a malaise that started then and continues to this day. A feeling of pure helplessness flooded over me and I rang the hotel General Manager for some word of explanation. "Welcome to Lagos" came the helpful reply. Welcome to a bunch of smelly, angry and very important customers I sneered back which at least resulted in a crate of Evian water being deposited outside each of our rooms.
The water debacle continued until early evening when miraculously it started running fitfully and brackish through our taps. I could hear the ironic cheers echoing down the 17th corridor as I settled myself down into the tepid brown puddle in my bath. No sooner had my bottom touched plastic when the phone rang. It was a call from the secretary of one of my group calling from London to advise me that Mr B could not turn his tap off. He had apparently rung her who rang me. I rang the hotel GM who rang maintenance who rang him back. He then rang me and I rang the secretary who rang Mr B to tell him that the taps operate in a different way to England. He was then able to stop the water so he rang her who rang me. I rang the hotel GM who rang maintenance to say the drama was over. I discovered later that Mr B had the room next to mine. Oh the joys of modern cutting-edge communication…and plumbing.
Somehow we all made it through the next three days. Fortunately most of the guests were blessed with a fine sense of humour and also spent most of their days visiting local offices thus passing responsibility onto their own folk. The end of the tour had come and all that remained was to run the gauntlet of the Badagri Expressway and head for dear old Blighty. I have to say I was already relaxing as what more could possibly go wrong once we reached the airport Such folly.
To be fair to the Nigerians they had a conscience about the way we were treated when we arrived so they decided to give us a special send off and boy did they achieve that. It turned out there was a special VIP lounge for royalty and heads of state and they invited us to use it while we waited to board. I wandered off to say thanks to our even richer airport manager and left them all with their glasses of champagne. On my return I was startled to see them all tucking in to some local nibbles and snacks provided by our hosts including some very dodgy looking prawns with a curry coating. One thing I have learned is never eat anything so risky and strange smelling before boarding a busy overnight flight.
It started about 3 a.m. London time somewhere over the Sahara when I was awoken by heated and desperate voices. I observed two of my charges having a pushing match alongside a toilet door and it was turning ugly. Then I saw other shapes in the gloom rising all round me and heading for the lavatories. Out of our dozen or so guests at least nine were suffering from acute food poisoning resulting in terrible stomach gripes and the need to go to the toilet instantly if not sooner. Nine people and two toilets? You can do the maths. It was mayhem. These were people in the public eye, household names and there they were literally fighting each other for the next free cubicle. Not nice and I decided to sink deeper in my seat and let them get on with it.
We arrived back at Gatwick in the early hours looking like a group of third world displaced refugees. Never again I thought. And then I remembered that this was the first of four such trips!
Sunday, 28 March 2010
Pets on planes. Part 2
Supermouse
Some people just cannot or will not leave their pets at home and often it causes chaos. I still remember one time when standing close to a baggage x ray machine I heard a tremendous commotion. I turned to see this very lithe, beautiful albeit over-made up young woman screaming at an official to “leave im alone” and “don’t frighten im”
The “im” in question was a five foot long python that she had packed in her cabin bag along with a Hello magazine and a pair of hair straighteners. “He is an integral part of my act” she bleated “and part of the family”. It was fun watching the security folk trying to lever this large snake back into a small bag using nothing but hand-held metal detectors whilst having to restrain a now frantic ‘exotic’ dancer. She was also found to have two dead mice in a little cool box for the journey in case he got ‘peckish’
The ‘Supermouse’ referred to in my title was neither of the two snake snacks mentioned above. This supermouse was very much alive and caused mayhem lasting three days on a long drawn out flight to Australia. This mouse belonged to a little girl who could not bear being separated from her ‘Mickey’ so she successfully managed to stow it away somewhere on her person.
Off the plane went and after about 3 hours we could see something was clearly wrong. There was this frantic child on her hands and knees followed by even more frantic parents poking their heads under people’s seats. They refused to tell even the crew what they were doing but it became clear when a scream came from the rear of the cabin galley area. “I tell you it was a bloody mouse” came an indignant voice. “The bloody thing was washing its feet as bold as you like in that corner”
Creatures like mice are big deals in the airline world. Mice have been known to not only chew cables but also spread diseases around the world. Our plane immediately was awarded the status of a flying global outcast along with everyone in it. Mickey had to be caught and all the passengers and spare crew set to it whilst the pilot tried to get someone somewhere to allow us to land with a rodent on the run.
Finally the mouse hunt ended fruitlessly and our captain had managed to persuade the Lebanon to allow us to land. We all shuffled off into 40 degrees of Beirut sunshine, only allowed to take the clothes on our back and the plane was impounded until Mickey was taken ‘Dead or Alive’.
It took a nightmare three days in blinding heat with no change of clothes living in a war zone before the news came through than Mickey was no more. The manual searches had failed so they decided to gas the aircraft and kill it that way. Unfortunately having gassed the plane and located our demised Mickey the humidity would not allow the gas to leave again. This meant that the plane had to go up and down a spare runway with its doors open before we were allowed to get on it.
Just before we boarded a little chap came along with a jam jar. Inside the jar was a dead mouse which he proudly displayed to the passengers and crew. “We have him,we have him” he exulted. I glanced over to the young girl to see how she was coping looking at the corpse. She quickly turned to her dad and said “it is not hi……” before he snatched her away and headed for the aircraft steps.
Some people just cannot or will not leave their pets at home and often it causes chaos. I still remember one time when standing close to a baggage x ray machine I heard a tremendous commotion. I turned to see this very lithe, beautiful albeit over-made up young woman screaming at an official to “leave im alone” and “don’t frighten im”
The “im” in question was a five foot long python that she had packed in her cabin bag along with a Hello magazine and a pair of hair straighteners. “He is an integral part of my act” she bleated “and part of the family”. It was fun watching the security folk trying to lever this large snake back into a small bag using nothing but hand-held metal detectors whilst having to restrain a now frantic ‘exotic’ dancer. She was also found to have two dead mice in a little cool box for the journey in case he got ‘peckish’
The ‘Supermouse’ referred to in my title was neither of the two snake snacks mentioned above. This supermouse was very much alive and caused mayhem lasting three days on a long drawn out flight to Australia. This mouse belonged to a little girl who could not bear being separated from her ‘Mickey’ so she successfully managed to stow it away somewhere on her person.
Off the plane went and after about 3 hours we could see something was clearly wrong. There was this frantic child on her hands and knees followed by even more frantic parents poking their heads under people’s seats. They refused to tell even the crew what they were doing but it became clear when a scream came from the rear of the cabin galley area. “I tell you it was a bloody mouse” came an indignant voice. “The bloody thing was washing its feet as bold as you like in that corner”
Creatures like mice are big deals in the airline world. Mice have been known to not only chew cables but also spread diseases around the world. Our plane immediately was awarded the status of a flying global outcast along with everyone in it. Mickey had to be caught and all the passengers and spare crew set to it whilst the pilot tried to get someone somewhere to allow us to land with a rodent on the run.
Finally the mouse hunt ended fruitlessly and our captain had managed to persuade the Lebanon to allow us to land. We all shuffled off into 40 degrees of Beirut sunshine, only allowed to take the clothes on our back and the plane was impounded until Mickey was taken ‘Dead or Alive’.
It took a nightmare three days in blinding heat with no change of clothes living in a war zone before the news came through than Mickey was no more. The manual searches had failed so they decided to gas the aircraft and kill it that way. Unfortunately having gassed the plane and located our demised Mickey the humidity would not allow the gas to leave again. This meant that the plane had to go up and down a spare runway with its doors open before we were allowed to get on it.
Just before we boarded a little chap came along with a jam jar. Inside the jar was a dead mouse which he proudly displayed to the passengers and crew. “We have him,we have him” he exulted. I glanced over to the young girl to see how she was coping looking at the corpse. She quickly turned to her dad and said “it is not hi……” before he snatched her away and headed for the aircraft steps.
Friday, 26 March 2010
Do academics understand the real world?
I don't think so if the group who wrote to the Guardian newspaper about the intransigence of Willie Walsh and British Airways management are an example. What they appear to be complaining about is that Mr Walsh is actually doing what he repeatedly warned the staff and unions he would. That does not seem such a heinous approach to me.
To my mind Willie Walsh currently has the easiest job in the World. His strategy is a no brainer in that he will not have an airline to run unless he does what he is doing plus he is getting general support from customers, other employees and importantly his shareholders. How many other bosses could claim that!
As for the cabin crew I really feel for them. Their unions have led them on a dangerous path, they are fighting the inevitable and, if they win they will probably lose both their jobs and pensions in the process. As for those worthy academics? I suggest they do their sums and realise that for this airline to survive maybe some "unilateral management" and bruising a militant union's egos is an acceptable price to pay for staying in business.
To my mind Willie Walsh currently has the easiest job in the World. His strategy is a no brainer in that he will not have an airline to run unless he does what he is doing plus he is getting general support from customers, other employees and importantly his shareholders. How many other bosses could claim that!
As for the cabin crew I really feel for them. Their unions have led them on a dangerous path, they are fighting the inevitable and, if they win they will probably lose both their jobs and pensions in the process. As for those worthy academics? I suggest they do their sums and realise that for this airline to survive maybe some "unilateral management" and bruising a militant union's egos is an acceptable price to pay for staying in business.
Tuesday, 23 March 2010
Thought for the day
If BA cabin crew continue to strike and the airline goes bust who will pay their pensions? At the last count there was an enormous black hole in their pension fund.
Pass me that self destruct button please.
Pass me that self destruct button please.
Is Government Buying Wisely?
Being part of the European ‘nanny state’ must have its advantages…..although I can’t quite think of even one at this time. Most definitely government travel buying, or for that matter any kind of state procurement is not one. The conditions, deadlines, red tape, mandatory declarations and disclosures are such that the likelihood of a smart or mutually worthwhile deal is small.
Until I got involved in the process I have always been perplexed as to why, if there are so many procedures and rules government projects always end up costing much more than the original contract. In the UK you only have to look at the Channel Tunnel, the Millennium Dome and Wembley Sport Stadium as examples of this. Why is this I thought, and then I got involved in a major UK government travel tender myself and saw what I think could be the key contributors to cost and timing failures. I will share my experience and subsequent assumptions with you but I must state at the outset that these are my own personal thoughts and not those of the company I worked for at the time.
If you are a private company you can set your own tender schedule and process. In government you cannot. There is a strict procedure in relation to timelines, disclosure, format and bidder selection you must keep to. On the surface this might seem highly laudable but in actuality it becomes restrictive, eliminates flexibility and costly in unnecessary administration and process. It also works on the basis that you know exactly what you want to buy as this has to be declared and published at the outset. Unfortunately, such is the size, mix and variety of such contracts that this essential is unknown and is probably a part of why the business is out to bid in the first place.
So what are these restrictions I am talking about? Here are some of the key ones as I perceive them:
1/ you have to publish all details of the contract and bid process in advance across European and give all equal opportunity to bid. You cannot be seen as individually selective or discriminatory in any way even if you are wasting your time or that of bidders who stand no chance of success.
2/ At this stage you must declare exactly what you are putting out to tender and you cannot easily change it even if you do not really know if it is accurate or not.
3/ the system seems to prevent any informal or individual dialogue with potential suppliers without giving everyone equal opportunity so there is no way building understanding, knowledge or relationships in order to improve/modify the brief.
4/ Everything has to be done by the book on a ‘one size fits all’ basis even though these contracts are some of the most diverse one is ever likely to come across.
5/ Government bodies seem incapable of aportioning or sharing out costs and savings amongst themselves which means that pricing is a nightmare and the potential of negotiating a fair and equitable financial package is minimized.
If you put some or all the above together you end up in a no win situation as the buyer has had to follow an entirely unhelpful process ending up with an oversimplified deal full of loopholes. The seller has to find some way of picking up the pieces while making a profit and minimising negative exposure.
At the beginning of this piece I mentioned that, in my eyes, most government contracts end up costing far more than the original contract agreement. I personally think it may be as a result of my point in the previous paragraph. What can end up happening is that the supplier goes in at a rock bottom unit price but then builds in a whole raft of necessary caveats in case the core buyer RFP is wrong ,which of course it is. The buyer is not able to hold contingency funds or apportion out costs internally so they have no way of dealing with it. The end result is that the government has an embarrassing overspend and the supplier makes their money out of charging caveats built in for ‘out of scope’ activities.
I write this for two reasons. Firstly I think it is wrong that any government should have to ignore sound commercial tactics and hog tie itself with bureaucracy when buying. Secondly, as a tax payer, it is my money they are wasting.
Until I got involved in the process I have always been perplexed as to why, if there are so many procedures and rules government projects always end up costing much more than the original contract. In the UK you only have to look at the Channel Tunnel, the Millennium Dome and Wembley Sport Stadium as examples of this. Why is this I thought, and then I got involved in a major UK government travel tender myself and saw what I think could be the key contributors to cost and timing failures. I will share my experience and subsequent assumptions with you but I must state at the outset that these are my own personal thoughts and not those of the company I worked for at the time.
If you are a private company you can set your own tender schedule and process. In government you cannot. There is a strict procedure in relation to timelines, disclosure, format and bidder selection you must keep to. On the surface this might seem highly laudable but in actuality it becomes restrictive, eliminates flexibility and costly in unnecessary administration and process. It also works on the basis that you know exactly what you want to buy as this has to be declared and published at the outset. Unfortunately, such is the size, mix and variety of such contracts that this essential is unknown and is probably a part of why the business is out to bid in the first place.
So what are these restrictions I am talking about? Here are some of the key ones as I perceive them:
1/ you have to publish all details of the contract and bid process in advance across European and give all equal opportunity to bid. You cannot be seen as individually selective or discriminatory in any way even if you are wasting your time or that of bidders who stand no chance of success.
2/ At this stage you must declare exactly what you are putting out to tender and you cannot easily change it even if you do not really know if it is accurate or not.
3/ the system seems to prevent any informal or individual dialogue with potential suppliers without giving everyone equal opportunity so there is no way building understanding, knowledge or relationships in order to improve/modify the brief.
4/ Everything has to be done by the book on a ‘one size fits all’ basis even though these contracts are some of the most diverse one is ever likely to come across.
5/ Government bodies seem incapable of aportioning or sharing out costs and savings amongst themselves which means that pricing is a nightmare and the potential of negotiating a fair and equitable financial package is minimized.
If you put some or all the above together you end up in a no win situation as the buyer has had to follow an entirely unhelpful process ending up with an oversimplified deal full of loopholes. The seller has to find some way of picking up the pieces while making a profit and minimising negative exposure.
At the beginning of this piece I mentioned that, in my eyes, most government contracts end up costing far more than the original contract agreement. I personally think it may be as a result of my point in the previous paragraph. What can end up happening is that the supplier goes in at a rock bottom unit price but then builds in a whole raft of necessary caveats in case the core buyer RFP is wrong ,which of course it is. The buyer is not able to hold contingency funds or apportion out costs internally so they have no way of dealing with it. The end result is that the government has an embarrassing overspend and the supplier makes their money out of charging caveats built in for ‘out of scope’ activities.
I write this for two reasons. Firstly I think it is wrong that any government should have to ignore sound commercial tactics and hog tie itself with bureaucracy when buying. Secondly, as a tax payer, it is my money they are wasting.
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